come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize