Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
