I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
