I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
