aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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