So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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