all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
