doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize