You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Too much gin, very little bucket
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
