even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
