Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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