Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
