Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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