i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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