my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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