Me too!
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
