I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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