And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There r osticjed everywhere
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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