Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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