i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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