i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
