Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
