You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize