i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
