I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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