What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize