I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
