There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
