I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
