K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
