hotel room ftw
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
