So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
