remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
