I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
