If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize