Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
