it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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