She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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