last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
