Im at strip club and am horny
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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