I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
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