Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
