The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
