Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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