the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize