I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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