Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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