What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
