I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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