he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize