He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she peed on how many people?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
