i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Is it because I queefed?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
