I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My penis needs a shock collar
sex in a hospital.. check
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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