guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
