god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
