Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
