Please don't use social media to get back at me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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