these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
