Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize