the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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