just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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