May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
