i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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