shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
