I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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