the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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