I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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