If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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