This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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