Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
