Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
