Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
