Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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